Today was alright, I watched another documentary about stuttering called The Way We Talk. As with other documentaries about the topic it hit me hard emotionally. I feel I have stuff to process regarding my stutter, there is stuff down there I clearly did not process yet. Idk if I should mourn it or do something else with it, but something waits to be processed. It was nice, even after the fourth documentary I watched I still find new inputs to think about.
I’ve come a long way considering where I was 2-3 years ago with my stuttering, both speech and self-acceptance, but I feel quite some time now that I need psychotherapy to find and make the next step. I feel that now that speech therapy has helped me take one step (still more steps to take here too), I need to make another step and overcome some of the emotional baggage and shitty behavioral stuff I’ve picked up in my years living as a stutterer.
I’ve sent a request to a supposedly very great psychotherapist, now the second time since the first was left unanswered, let’s see if I get an appointment through the fancy big-bucks clinic with the fancy-shiny (=shitty template site, but at least it looks professional and doesn’t have and expired TLS cert). She’s supposed to be the best in town, hard to get an appointment, fingers crossed. Not that it isn’t a fkin joke that you have to fight, search and probably sacrifice a goat to finally get a good therapist, that you then can pay completely from your pocket cause the free one in the hospital would slap you a prescription for antidepressants at your face and tell you to fuck off as soon as you enter through the door. But yeah, at least I can afford to pay a competent therapist.
To not be depressing every day, I’ll finish from now on with somethin good this day, something I’m grateful this day.
Today I’m grateful for
For my friend, who I had a call today with. Also for my mother who I also had a call with today.
Good thind that happened today
I managed to buy Lindemann tickets, yaay!